Go Run :)

Okay, so no one told me how hard it would be to keep up with this thing. Either I have mindless information floating around in my brain or I'm too busy to update. So today's update is going to be brief & hopefully worthy of reading :) 

So I've been working out & eating healthy all of April. [Side note: By eating healthy I mean eating 2 muffins instead of my typical 4 & skipping dessert most of the time, but definitely not always]. I know I'm not overweight or need to lose a massive amount of weight. So please hold your horses & don't lecture me. But I'm a girl and just like every other girl in America I want to be toned, fit, and well just flat-out ridiculously good-looking. And after being healthy for almost one month I feel awesome :)

I honestly hardly see any difference, if any, in my body, but I FEEL FABULOUS! 

It is crazy how just being healthy can make a world of difference in your attitude about yourself. 

So go run, not because you want to be skinny, but because you want to feel absolutely wonderful :)

Take this world & give me Jesus.

This weekend my cousin was killed in a tragic accident. He was 23. Incredibly young. So much potential ahead of him. Getting married May 25th. 

Yet, his life was stripped away from him in a matter of seconds. How on earth do you make sense of that? You just simply don't.

I haven't seen him in years. I don't really know him all that well anymore since it's been so long. He lived in Arkansas. But at the end of the day he's family. I knew him. I had conversations with him. I saw him laugh. I saw him smile.

And my heart is broken. Broken for Chad. Broken for his parents. Broken for his siblings.  Broken for his fiancé. Broken for every person he has ever touched.

It makes me wonder how in the world people get through tough situations like these without Jesus. Because all I can think about is my awesome God & how he gives me hope that tomorrow my family will get a tiny bit stronger. That He will comfort them. That they will take one step forward each day. 

Chad became an Angel that day. How incredibly special it is to know that he is watching over my family right now as I type. How awesome is it to know that he is in Heaven with our Heavenly Father. There is no better place to be. Heaven is the ultimate prize & he made it. He's there celebrating with Jesus. 

This is how people heal. Knowing that Jesus is taking care of their little boy. That He is holding him tight. That He is rejoicing with him. That one day you will see him again. 

When my grandmother died, my mom & sister heard this song on the radio shortly after, and it has always stuck with me since. It's called "Where I Belong" by Building 429.

All I know is I'm not home yet

This is not where I belong

Take this world and give me Jesus

This is not where I belong

We love you Chad. Forever in our hearts.

Hug Tighter, Laugh Easier, & Love Harder.

Today I was reminded that I need to hug tighter, laugh easier, and love harder.

I was reminded...

That tomorrow is not promised, not even the next minute.

That life is completely passing me by.

How completely blessed I am.

How God does things that we will probably never understand.

That family is your rock. So don't let them slip through the cracks.

How important it is to tell your loved ones exactly how much you love them. Every. Single. Day.

How hard it is to say goodbye.

How much I take for granted.

How I keep wishing for more when I really do have enough.

How special and important love is.

Love is everything. Hold onto it tight. And never let it go.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Corinthians 13:7

What to do, what to do?!

Warning: This post is probably going to get really confusing :)

So right now I am working as a part-time receptionist, but I was hired on as only temporary. They didn't give me an exact date of when they wouldn't need me anymore. So I have been applying for other jobs because I didn't want to run into the situation of them telling me they don't need me anymore & then I'm jobless. I wanted to be ahead of the game. So I applied and applied and applied. 

I then got an interview on March 26th. They loved me & practically hired me on the spot, but had to make sure I didn't have a criminal background. So then on Thursday I went into work [my receptionist job] & they told me they wouldn't need me in 2-3 weeks. After work I received a phone call & was offered the job. Kinda crazy how that worked out, huh? I accepted the job & I am set to start April 16th. 

Let me give you some background info about the job I accepted.  I get a laptop, my own desk, a little verizon hotspot wifi, & the title of Care Coordinator. In a nut shell, I will go into people's homes and make sure everything is going okay with the parents and children. I will give them whatever resources I can and do reports for DHS. I will drive all around the county [I will get paid mileage] to meetings with the families and drop off children if needed. The pay isn't great, but you have to start somewhere. This job is beyond full-time, meaning 40-45 hours, however it can even be up to 60 hours a week. It also requires weekends sometimes.

Okay, now remember I am also a full-time grad student. That meaning I am taking 9 credit hours, which doesn't sound like a lot because in undergrad I'd take 15-18 credit hours a semester, but somehow I think I'd go crazy if I had any more hours. This is my first semester as a grad student & it is only going to get harder from here on out. 

I was excited at first when I applied because this job required a bachelors degree and with my just graduating in December I was so excited to put all my hard work now into use! I then got an interview. I wasn't excited at all. I don't know why - there was just no excitement there. I then went to the interview - I wasn't the least bit nervous. I get nervous VERY easily and for the most minor things. It was so weird. It was the easiest , flow-iest, one of the best interviews I'd ever had because I was so at ease. There were no signs of nerves. At all. I then was offered the job & accepted it & again I wasn't really that excited. I wasn't jumping up & down screaming [like I was when I found out I was accepted into grad school]. 

So now my last day at the receptionist job will be April 15th and my first day at the new job will be April 16th. I am having second thoughts & doubts constantly. I know that I will learn an immense amount & it will be great to put on my resume. I love that you have to have a degree to have this job because I didn't get a degree for nothing! I know this job is important & I will be changing lives & it will be extremely rewarding. 

But there is something holding me back. 

I don't know if I will be able to handle this job & go to grad school. It just sounds like way too much. I will have no life. I will literally get up, go to work, go to school, and go to bed. Only to do it all over the next day. That doesn't sound appealing to me at all. I understand that you have to work your way up & may have to start out with a crappy job, but I don't feel like I'm in that point in my life where I necessarily have to do that just yet. I'm worried that this job will become my # 1 priority when school needs to be my #1 priority right now. I'm in school learning about what I'm going to do for the rest of my life & I just don't feel like a job should overtake that. As weird as it may sound I feel like this job would rob me of all the potential I have for grad school. I feel like the only reason I am taking this job is because my receptionist gig is over & I need a job. I can't be jobless. End of story. I have to have a job. 

So I have been praying & praying trying to figure out what to do, but I feel like I am getting no direction whatsoever. I feel so lost. I have no idea what the right decision is or if there even is a right decision. I don't know what God wants me to do. I don't know if he is giving me the option to pick or if I am just not listening.  I keep thinking "this is a sign for me to do this" but then something else happens and I think that's a sign to do the opposite. What am I supposed to do when I have no idea what direction God is pointing me towards? 

So right now I'm continuing to pray about it & will hopefully have reached a decision before I start the new job. Please pray for me to figure out what I'm supposed to do because this girl has no clue!

This was totally longer than I intended it to be. I could have totally written way more, but I'm done I promise! If you read the whole things you are a trooper & if you skipped the middle part then I don't blame you - I would have done the same :)